Pleasing -- it's a way of life

Riskyliving

I'm in one of those wonderful phases where I am noticing some of my habits and behaviors and finding them endearing!  This has sure been a long time coming.

I usually silently berate myself for every movement I make and every thought I have.  For the entire past year I have been on this job I have internally screamed at myself for being so weak and not able to stand up for myself as well as for being a people pleaser.

Then ... I stood up to Shelley.

Then ... I found that silly "Every Child Has A Thinking Style" book nd learned that I am a "harmonizer" and the most important things to me are relationships: with other people, with cats, with other animals, with my living space, with the world.  I learned that I love making people happy.  Here this whole time I have been yelling at myself for being a people pleaser because a people pleaser is essentially a liar (which guru did I glean that one from?) and a pathetic human being -- pleasing out of fear, distrust or out of disgust.

You know why I PLEASE?  Because it makes me fucking happy!!!  I love doing for others.  I love making them laugh, making them smile.  That is MY NUMBER ONE MODUS OPERENDI (or whatever the second word in MO is ....).

That is it.  That's all there is to me.  I DIG MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY.  Not that bad a pursuit is it?

I think my friend Hope (whom I haven't conversed with in over a year) gave me some tapes one of her deluded 700 Club teachers (not that they are all deluded) and the woman spouted for two whole hours on why it is HORRIBLE to be a people pleaser and how to STOP!!!!  STOP IT NOW!!!  Before it goes much further!!

"You must cease this unhealthy, unnatural behavior!"

What utter garbage!  But for the past year I have been carrying around her ideas and feeling horrible about myself.  Which is worse: to just be a people pleaser or to be a people pleaser and hate yourself for it?

I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER.  Get to know me and I will please you as well.  Because I genuinely love people.  And it's about God damned time that I learned to love myself.  Cuz you know what?  I'm a pretty damned lovable person, people pleasing tendencies and all.